The Darth Mall
by OneSizeFitsAll
Summary: Day Nine of the FFCC. Darth Vader goes to the mall on Dark Side Friday in quest of the perfect gift.


_Author's Note: Hey! It's the ninth day of the FFCC. If you have not already read the stories preceding this, I suggest that you do. The first one is entitled "The Iron Hills Mall" by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey, and you can find it either on her profile page or my favourites._

_Here are the replies to the reviews on Gift Receipts Required:_

**ThurinRanger:** You see, it pays to follow us! XD Glad you at least weren't thrown off.  
><strong>Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant:<strong> Edmond would certainly have been grateful. (I had to make sure he got a present; that part always bothered me).  
><strong>grandprincessanastasiaromanov5: <strong>Thank you! :D  
><strong>2MFriedmanFreak:<strong> Don't worry, you'll see it! I hear it's good.  
><strong>Thalion Estel:<strong> Thanks! Maybe we won't punish anyone this close to Christmas... Here's the next story!

_I'm including a short character list, for those who unfortunate few who are not familiar with this fandom._

Darth Vader: A powerful Sith, he used to be a jedi, the padawan of Obi-Wan Kanobi, but now he is the apprentice of Darth Sidious, the Emperor

The Emperor: Aka Darth Sidious, he is Darth Vader's master, and they rule the galaxy as master and apprentice.

Luke: *Spoilers* Darth Vader's son. Darth Vader also has a daughter, who is only referenced in this story.

Obi-Wan Kanobi: Vader's old mentor, and the former padawan of Qui-Gon Jinn. *Spoilers* He's supposed to be dead, but he knows the secret of immortality, and appears as a creepy blue ghost.

Qui-Gon Jinn: Former mentor of Obi-Wan Kanobi, he is also dead, but he also knows the secret of immortality, which makes it strange that he appears in none of the later movies as a blue force ghost.

Yoda: Formerly one of the most powerful Jedi masters, he is now dead, and only appears as a blue force ghost.

_That's it! Enjoy!_

**The Darth Mall**

**by OneSizeFitsAll**

_On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me nine ladies dancing..._

The Emperor and his apprentice strode down the long hallways of the Darth Mall, accompanied by epic music. It was Dark Side Friday, and they had arrived early at the mall, to get some deals on their early Christmas shopping.

"Don't look this way," said the Emperor. "I'm picking your present."

"Don't look this way," said Darth Vader. "I'm picking yours."

It would have been wiser to go separately, and thus avoid the possibility of letting the other see their presents, but the Emperor did not like to go anywhere without a bodyguard, and the stormtroopers were useless...they wore full body armour and fell at the first shot. So master and apprentice did their shopping together, and turned their backs to each other when they bought anything.

The Emperor gazed into the windows as they passed them, trying to think of something to get for his apprentice. A new mask? he wondered. But he had gotten him one of those last year. What about a nice cape? He had given him one for his last birthday. And he knew for a fact that Vader had just recently ordered himself a replacement lightsaber.

Darth Vader cast his eyes back and forth, looking for the perfect present for his master. As the Emperor was...the Emperor, this was a difficult task. He had almost everything he could want already. He was also looking for gifts for his son and daughter.

"I hope you aren't getting that set of Frozen jewelry for me," said the Emperor, taking the opportunity to peek surreptitiously over his apprentice's shoulder.

"Of course not," said Vader, quickly throwing his cloak over his selected merchandise. "They're for my daughter."

"Uh…" said the Emperor, "isn't your daughter kind of old for Frozen?"

"Hey," said Vader. "I missed her whole childhood, but I'm not going to miss shopping for it. And who knows? She might still like Frozen."

"What are you getting for Luke?" asked the Emperor, rolling his eyes.

"None of your business," said Vader, slipping a plastic toy lightsaber into his cart, to replace the one Luke had lost, when he cut off his hand. Vader didn't approve of children playing with real lightsabers, anyway. It was far too dangerous.

They were passing the lightsaber shop when he saw it...the perfect gift for his master. He dodged in the door, followed by the Emperor, and stopped in front of the huge display near the front. There was a sign on top that read "Latest Model All New Lightsabers".

The display was full of bright red lightsabers with crossguards at the hilt. It was the perfect gift.

"Don't look this way," said Darth Vader, warningly, as he lifted one of the lightsabers off the shelf and weighed it in his hand.

It was at that moment that force!Qui-Gon Jinn and force!Obi-Wan Kanobi walked into the lightsaber store.

"Look, Obi-Wan," said Qui-Gon. "It's a new lightsaber."

Vader was hiding on the other side of the display, hoping they wouldn't see him. The Emperor, who had been wandering around the shop, looking bored, for a while, came up and plucked at his elbow. "I'm going over to Dark Topic," he said. "Catch me up when you're ready." He swept out of the shop majestically.

"I have a very bad feeling about this," said Obi-Wan, picking up one of the lightsabers and weighing it in his hand. "Wouldn't these cross guards cut off your hand?"

"They would indeed, my young padawan," said Qui-Gon, smiling approvingly. "The Sith are very clever. They have invented a weapon to chop their own hands off with, so that we need not do it for them."

They laughed lightly. Vader glanced down at the sword in his hand. It did not look so much like the perfect present anymore.

"Not to mention," continued Qui-Gon, "these metal pieces that hold the crossguards in place extend to far. A lightsaber blade would simply slice through them and remove the crossguards."

"It's a stupid design," said Obi-Wan, dismissively. "Let's get some traditional lightsabers...they look cooler, anyhow."

Vader did not notice them coming around the display, being too busy inspecting the design of the lightsaber to see if they were correct.

"Darth!" said Obi-Wan.

"Anakin!" said Qui-Gon.

"Vader, his name is!" said Yoda, popping out of nowhere to correct them.

"Oh...guys!" said Vader, quickly hiding the lightsaber behind his back. "Uh...what are you doing at the Darth Mall?"

Qui-Gon flushed in embarrassment. "The Sith make better lightsabers…" he explained.

"And why are you shopping on Dark Side Friday?" asked Vader, trying to ease the lightsaber onto the display without them noticing.

"Just because we're Jedi doesn't mean we can't take advantage of all the deals!" said Obi-Wan, defensively.

"Missed Light Side Tuesday, we have," observed Yoda.

"Um...okay…" said Vader, nervously.

"Are you doing your Christmas shopping?" asked Obi-Wan.

"Yes," said Vader. "And I bought you a present," he hinted.

"What was it?" asked Qui-Gon with interest.

"It's a secret," said Vader. "And I'd better leave, before you see it and spoil the surprise."

He hurried away with his cart, looking about halfheartedly for something to give the Emperor. He couldn't give him that useless lightsaber...he might be sued for leading to the de-handing of his master.

He happened to glance into the window toy store and saw it...the perfect gift. A pink music box with nine ladies dancing on it. Not for the Emperor, naturally...for his newfound daughter. He rushed into the shop and pulled it off the shelf.

He hurried to the back of the line and waited impatiently as it moved slowly, customer by customer. He pulled out his wallet to count out the money ahead of time, like a considerate Sith. And then he realised his money was gone.

His heart froze. He looked again. It was most definitely not there. He turned out his pockets, but it wasn't there, either.

He felt the anger rising in him as it does in all good Sith. It was the Jedi...it must have been. They had stolen it.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he howled, falling to his knees in the middle of the toy shop.

The children and their mothers backed away, staring at him wide eyed.

"Excuse me, sir," said a robotic employee. "Can I be of any assistance?"

"Someone stole my money!" he bellowed.

"Did you check your wallet?" asked the robot, smiling dopily.

"Of course I checked my wallet!" said Vader, throwing up his hands.

"Did you check your pockets?" asked the robot, unfazed.

"Of course I checked my pockets!" cried Vader, doing his signature force stranglehold.

"Did you check your money belt?" asked the robot, still smiling, and not seeming to feel the force at all.

"Who do you take me for, some kind of idiot?" screamed Vader, growing red in his concealed face. Then he remembered. "Oh…" he said. "I forgot to check my money belt…"

He unzipped it, to find a roll of bills. He coughed in embarrassment and stood up. "Um…" he said, "I found it."

The other customers in front of him had all been served, so he hurried to the checkout counter and paid for the music box. He emerged from the shop feeling rather foolish, but relieved, and went into Dark Topic to find his master.

The Emperor heard his signature breathing as he approached, and quickly hid the "The Most Powerful Dad Ever" HISHE t-shirt he had bought behind his back.

"Ah! Vader!" he said. "You got here just at the right time. I've just finished checking out."

"Aw," said Vader, "but I wanted to look at the t-shirts!"

"But then you'll see the one I got you…" said the Emperor.

"Oh...fine," said Vader, sulkily, as they turned and headed out the door.

It was then that he saw it. The perfect gift. A lightsaber umbrella.

**The End**

_Did anyone else go Black Friday shopping, this year? I did...for the first time ever. It was actually a ton of fun. Except for I thought that someone had stolen my money for a while, there… :P_

_And have you guys seen the episode 7 teaser trailer? That sword is a real thing. I think it's stupid..._

_Come back tomorrow for Lily Lindsey-Aubery's epic story "Red Bicycle"!_


End file.
